Pondering in NZ

I have less than 12 hours left abroad. Then, I'm home. Back on Canadian soil. Home, sweet home. Back to Tim Hortons, back to my dog, my family, my friends. Back to decent time zones where I can communicate with others without having to go online and search time zones and hour changes. Back to driving my own car on the right hand side of the road. Back to my own house, with my own shower in which I am not forced to wear thongs. Back to summer. Basically, just back home.

Why, then, do I feel so sick every time I think about my flight in 9 hours? Why am I secretly hoping my plane is delayed, even by an hour? Why is it that every time I think about all the memories and events that happened over the last couple months, I get this sick feeling in my stomach?

Don't get me wrong, I want to come home. Just not yet.

I'm scared that the friends I've made over here will slowly lose contact because of the long distances. I'm afraid to return back to Queen's after an extremely laid back academic term. I'm scared to lose this carefree attitude that has changed my outlook on so many things. I don't want to become the typical Queen's Life Science student all over again - a person who doesn't go out, studies all the time and places all life's emphasis on school. I'm scared that 8 months away from the people I love back at Queen's may change our relationships. I'm afraid that I'll miss Australia way too much.

It's funny to think about, really. I've brought this up a couple times with my Dad, and each time he always says that I have to remember the good times, not let Queen's get to me and realize that it's my outlook and attitude that will determine how well my last year goes. I know I have to have faith that things will work out, friendships will last and that one day, I will come back.

Please don't think I'm sitting here, in the hotel room alone and depressed. It's just been a long time I've spent over here, and I've really come to enjoy the relaxed lifestyle, the lack of competitiveness between students at uni and basically just everything Aussie - the slang, the food, the beaches, the sun, the kangaroos. And I'm really going to miss it.

On that note, suitably, I'm off to pack up my suitcases and watch a movie until I get kicked out of my hotel room. T-minus 9 hours. And counting.

xoxo Danielle